Can't Touch This

Today I ended up drunk because I was scared of an interaction between myself, a friend, and two strange men,

It's a pretty abrupt entry to this blog post. But it's the truth. And I'm writing this because I'm sick of men grabbing me. Like really, I'm totally bloody sick of it.

So today I went Christmas shopping with a really good friend of mine. It was going great. We got some Secret Santa stuff, and presents for others, and then decided to get a drink. Me, being me, I decided to go to an Irish pub I haven't been to since my 18th birthday, and decided to introduce my friend to it. It's actually a really nice pub, hidden away, a total gem in Liverpool if you ask me.

So I went to the bar and was told that they were doing a deal on two drinks and decided on two big bottles of cider, with the intention of spending over an hour there and to enjoy the Irish music. Let's face it, most Irish bars don't play REAL Irish music, and coming up to Christmas I'm bound to feel homesick.

My friend goes for two drinks too and takes a seat next to me, ready to enjoy a nice chat and some music, when all of a sudden two random fellas decide to approach us. They must've been in their forties or something (and we're only 19 and 21). They want to know our names (fake ones are given to them) they want to know where we are from (they also claim that we are probably related to our entire villages #racism). One uses derogatory terms towards lesbians and also insists that we dance, which I repeatedly and quite blatantly refuse.

Then he copped onto my tattoo on my arm and repeatedly asks what it is of and also why do I have it? It shocks him why I would ever want a tattoo. I didn't tell him. I played dumb, as I usually do. I don't have to explain my body, or any forms of ink on my body. My personal reasons are my own. And if you don't like that, you can piss off.

While all of this was going on, I was trying to chug down my 2 pints, in under half an hour so I could make a run for it as soon as I saw an opening. Eventually, they disappeared (Where to, I haven't the slightest) and we ran to the nearest friend's apartment. It was horrible.

I had gone to that pub with the intention of having a quiet and slow few drinks, enjoy music, and talk to one of my best friends. Instead, this guy barges in, uses derogatory words, and demands answers from me about my body, and also that I dance with him.

And the worst part of it all?

He fucking touched me!

I'm fine with brushing against someone's arm or lightly turning them by the arm (even though I wouldn't dare do it myself) but he literally ruffled my hair and started touching my head. And the worst of the worst?

This isn't the first time!

Less than 6 months before, a man in a bar caught me by the arm and wouldn't let go. And before that? A man forcefully caught my arm and forced my hand away from my face. And that friend of mine? Was groped by a stranger less than a month ago. Why do some people think it is okay and appropriate to grab people? Why do some people seem some fucking entitled?

I am sick and tired of people grabbing me and my friends. I am sick and tired of double standards, towards both men and women. But these men are the reason that there are some feminists in the world who are radically anti-men.

There are some genuine guys out there but these guys give the rest of them a bad name, just as radical feminists give us other feminists a bad name.

Besmirching of reputations aside. Please stop bloody touching me! I am not your property! I don't owe you anything! Women don't do this to you so why do you think that this is okay? How on earth are you entitled to me? I am not going to dance, drink, or sleep with you! Yes, some women may consent, but not me! So don't touch me!

You don't know the people that you approach. They could be assault victims, they could like women, they could be asexual, they could have any back story! And you are not allowed to lose your shit and get angry with them about it! In the case of victims, they are who they are because some other asshole kinda like you turned up one day and felt entitled to someone else's body and that is not okay. You cannot  go around doing this. It is so uncomfortable having people touch you with your consent.

You have no idea how scary it is!

Do you know what it is like to be underage and have a drunk guy refuse to let go of you, and fear the idea of possibly being raped? I do. It's not nice.

Thankfully someone saved me in time.

But drink is no excuse. If you know that you are a misogynistic and disrespectful asshole when you drink, then it's easy, just don't drink!

This is why girls travel in packs, even to the bathroom. We live in constant fear. We aren't in a society of 'don't attack', sadly we live in a society of 'don't get attacked'. And to be quiet honest, I don't regret leaving those guys and their bags behind.

You can come over and chat to me, Introduce yourself and be nice. But don't insult minorities in front of me and don't you dare lay a finger on me.

Wrong First Impressions?

So with work, college and routine back, we are once again struggling with that yearly problem. No I'm not talking about getting out of bed in the morning, but it's just as bad.
It's the fear of making friends.
You know the one I'm talking about. The one where you worry about ending up alone for the rest of the year because the girl at the end of the room looked at you funny, or because that guy from earlier didn't notice when you purposely laughed too loudly.
Out of interest, have any of you ever taken the time to ask one of your friends their first impressions of you? Recently, one of my friends admitted to me that she thought I wouldn't like her because I seemed 'stuck up my own arse'. Now we share innuendos and flirt with each other for a laugh, even though we are both straight and one of us has a boyfriend (it's not me, sadly).
I got thinking after she said this, and I remembered how a guy in my old school had told a girl that he had never befriended her earlier because he was terrified that she would kill him, she just so happened to look that vicious and angry all the time, he was put off.
In reality, she was a lovely girl that I had a lot in common with. She didn't have a criminal record or any bad behaviour in her school files.
But then I got to the inevitable question of, why?
Why did I seem so snobby?
I was a culchie from a field in Ireland. I didn't come from a city like everyone! I came from an agriculturally based village. I didn't go to Top Shop or River Island. My mother sewed up old clothes and I hardly ever went shopping, unless it was down the road for a can of coke!
So I reflected on what I was doing when I first crossed paths with this girl, on the day of my first ever class of Sociology. What with it being a new country, and a new learning environment, I was also afraid about culture clashes and my impression with everyone else. I was so consumed with this fear that I started wearing red lipstick, curling my hair and trying to seem a little bit more...me. More than the girl that came from the middle of nowhere, and more than the girl that lived in jeans and band shirts.

I was also sitting at the other end of the room and trying to make friends with a guy, who I totally ended up falling out with anyway, so I kinda don't blame her for thinking I was some sort of pretentious bitch.
They say that the first impression happens within one tenth of a second. Which is pretty scary. But if this has taught me anything, its that first impressions are best when you look like shit, or you're wearing your oldest clothes with no make up.
Admittedly, both myself and this friend both wear light make up and occasionally dress up, but in the year we've been besties, we've both turned up in shirts going from Jurassic Park, to Ghostbusters. We are total dorks that wink at each other  and act stupid. Which is nothing that you'd expect from me a year ago if you were to see me, with red lipstick, curly hair and my best black coat, asking questions and arguing sociological problems.
Do any of you have any stories about first impressions?
Any of your friends say that they were terrified of you or found you intimidating in any way?
I'd love to hear from you in the comments.

Also, my follow up post on What's Wrong With Feminism shouldn't take too long. Sorry for that delay. I saw how much you all enjoyed it.

And another thing, you may want to keep an eye out on the blog if you watch Sons of Anarchy, I may end up writing about it, now that the final season has started, and you know how much I like me some Courtney Love.

As usual, I don't own the picture and get nothing out of it except a nice bit of colour on my page.