Can't Touch This

Today I ended up drunk because I was scared of an interaction between myself, a friend, and two strange men,

It's a pretty abrupt entry to this blog post. But it's the truth. And I'm writing this because I'm sick of men grabbing me. Like really, I'm totally bloody sick of it.

So today I went Christmas shopping with a really good friend of mine. It was going great. We got some Secret Santa stuff, and presents for others, and then decided to get a drink. Me, being me, I decided to go to an Irish pub I haven't been to since my 18th birthday, and decided to introduce my friend to it. It's actually a really nice pub, hidden away, a total gem in Liverpool if you ask me.

So I went to the bar and was told that they were doing a deal on two drinks and decided on two big bottles of cider, with the intention of spending over an hour there and to enjoy the Irish music. Let's face it, most Irish bars don't play REAL Irish music, and coming up to Christmas I'm bound to feel homesick.

My friend goes for two drinks too and takes a seat next to me, ready to enjoy a nice chat and some music, when all of a sudden two random fellas decide to approach us. They must've been in their forties or something (and we're only 19 and 21). They want to know our names (fake ones are given to them) they want to know where we are from (they also claim that we are probably related to our entire villages #racism). One uses derogatory terms towards lesbians and also insists that we dance, which I repeatedly and quite blatantly refuse.

Then he copped onto my tattoo on my arm and repeatedly asks what it is of and also why do I have it? It shocks him why I would ever want a tattoo. I didn't tell him. I played dumb, as I usually do. I don't have to explain my body, or any forms of ink on my body. My personal reasons are my own. And if you don't like that, you can piss off.

While all of this was going on, I was trying to chug down my 2 pints, in under half an hour so I could make a run for it as soon as I saw an opening. Eventually, they disappeared (Where to, I haven't the slightest) and we ran to the nearest friend's apartment. It was horrible.

I had gone to that pub with the intention of having a quiet and slow few drinks, enjoy music, and talk to one of my best friends. Instead, this guy barges in, uses derogatory words, and demands answers from me about my body, and also that I dance with him.

And the worst part of it all?

He fucking touched me!

I'm fine with brushing against someone's arm or lightly turning them by the arm (even though I wouldn't dare do it myself) but he literally ruffled my hair and started touching my head. And the worst of the worst?

This isn't the first time!

Less than 6 months before, a man in a bar caught me by the arm and wouldn't let go. And before that? A man forcefully caught my arm and forced my hand away from my face. And that friend of mine? Was groped by a stranger less than a month ago. Why do some people think it is okay and appropriate to grab people? Why do some people seem some fucking entitled?

I am sick and tired of people grabbing me and my friends. I am sick and tired of double standards, towards both men and women. But these men are the reason that there are some feminists in the world who are radically anti-men.

There are some genuine guys out there but these guys give the rest of them a bad name, just as radical feminists give us other feminists a bad name.

Besmirching of reputations aside. Please stop bloody touching me! I am not your property! I don't owe you anything! Women don't do this to you so why do you think that this is okay? How on earth are you entitled to me? I am not going to dance, drink, or sleep with you! Yes, some women may consent, but not me! So don't touch me!

You don't know the people that you approach. They could be assault victims, they could like women, they could be asexual, they could have any back story! And you are not allowed to lose your shit and get angry with them about it! In the case of victims, they are who they are because some other asshole kinda like you turned up one day and felt entitled to someone else's body and that is not okay. You cannot  go around doing this. It is so uncomfortable having people touch you with your consent.

You have no idea how scary it is!

Do you know what it is like to be underage and have a drunk guy refuse to let go of you, and fear the idea of possibly being raped? I do. It's not nice.

Thankfully someone saved me in time.

But drink is no excuse. If you know that you are a misogynistic and disrespectful asshole when you drink, then it's easy, just don't drink!

This is why girls travel in packs, even to the bathroom. We live in constant fear. We aren't in a society of 'don't attack', sadly we live in a society of 'don't get attacked'. And to be quiet honest, I don't regret leaving those guys and their bags behind.

You can come over and chat to me, Introduce yourself and be nice. But don't insult minorities in front of me and don't you dare lay a finger on me.

Problems That Put People Off of Feminism - Part 2

Here it is, as promised!

The next part of my Feminist Problems.

I could start on ranting about that 'Why We Don't Need Feminism' site, which may be a post for another time, but let's just start discussing something else. I don't want to start off by ranting about something deep and sensitive so, if you think that the first topic is kinda deep, I'm sorry in advance, I tried.

So guess what! Men exist just like we do! And they have emotions, again, just like we do! And they want women safe, you know, their sisters, mothers, aunts, and so on? And they don't want their loved ones being overly sexualised by the media. They exist!! Men aren't monsters! Hurrah! Someone call the press! Quick, we need to contact the Guinness Book of Records!

Radical Feminists, you can put down the lighters and the petroleum, we're safe.



But you know what they don't want?

They don't want women to oppress everyone, which is really what most radicals are looking for, if you think about it. They argue so much about male oppression and the past, that it sounds like all they want is to rule themselves, which sounds hypocritical, as if they want to flip patriarchal oppression for matriarchal oppression. Which kinda contradicts the feminist ideology, don't you think?
'Oh we don't like men because they oppressed us. We're so much better. I know, lets do the same thing back and stoop to this imaginary level!' So now what? We give ourselves a 'Glass Floor'?

So in the men's case its just a case of being stuck between a rock and a hard place. If they ignore these problems, they're seen as misogynistic pigs, and if they try to help, then the feminists don't need the help of these misogynistic pigs. There's just no winning, I'm afraid.

And God help you, if you're a woman that goes against them. You're apparently some Judas, or you're a poor blind little girl that can't see past the brainwashing and socialization, because apparently the patriarchy is making us believe what it wants us to believe.
So even women can't have their own opinions on things.

I'm a feminist. I'm a Liberal though, not Radical. I believe in fair legislation, and if that sometimes works against us, so be it, as long as we are equal. I don't believe that we should sometimes get shorter prison sentences just because we have different body parts and functions to that of a man. If a woman kills someone, she actually picked up a weapon and killed someone. Her boobs didn't accidentally pick up a gun and fire, her 'time of the month' didn't make her lose the plot and attack someone. Murder is murder. And I admit, there are cases where the accused may actually be innocent, but hundreds of men in the past have been imprisoned while innocent, some even executed! We shouldn't be left off the hook just because we have the ability to give birth!
But on the other hand, fair legislation means no more discussing pay gaps or unfair job dismissals, it means equality in the work place for both men and women, meaning we won't just stop moaning about fair pay, but men will able to properly have Paternity Leave when they become parents.

Something I've been known to say in the past is 'women have the right to have wages similar to mens and not to be treated like meat'.

And while I've just argued fair legislation, I think I'll turn to objectifying and ogling the opposite sex now.

Feminism really argues equality at the end of the day, and not all of us want to burn our bras and kick men around. And I admit that I don't like the hyper-sexualisation of women in the media. I don't like how we have to be skinny, I don't like how we have to feel forced to dress a certain way, I don't like the fact that we need to look good for men all the time (this ain't the 50's anymore) and I most definitely don't like the fact that we aren't allowed to age in the media! Everyone is giving poor Renee Zellwegger so much shit for looking different, but she only went under the knife and did that to herself because of public opinion and pressure from the media! (I plan on writing about this whole thing some time).
In a way, it is like the media are forcing us to dress in such a way that we look like the meat, that we are apparently treated as. Johnny Depp is 52 and everyone is fine with it, but the moment a female celebrity turns 40 she needs botox. Kim Kardashian already gets it and she's what, in her late 20's, early 30's? When my mother was that age, she was getting a job in a store and investing in a boiler, not botox.

Let's get something straight here.
I'm a straight, feminist, female, and I like to stare at men! There, I said it. I went to visit my friend the other day and we spent half an hour on Google Images just staring at hot male celebrities. And sometimes when I'm in Liverpool and I see a good looking guy, I'll turn to be friends as if to say 'is he real?'
My point is, women stare at men, and men stare at women. It's not a one sided thing. Men get into trouble for it. The reason that we have a problem with this staring scenario, as women, is the fact that men, more often than not, start shouting obscenities at passing women and some of us don't like it. I admire Lena Dunham for admitting that she enjoys the catcalling. Every woman deserves to be proud of herself and her appearance, and it takes a big person to admit to something that is seen as a social stigma. Mental illness was a stigma years ago, and now it's almost 'fashionable' to suffer from anxiety. So by the time I'm retiring, it may be fashionable to say you like the opposite sex shouting at you across the road, about wanting you to sit on their knee.
But think about it, what are you more likely to see, a group of men calling to a woman, or a group of women calling to a man?

I know that Lena Dunham is actually being slated at the moment over her new book, which I have in the house now, so once that's read make sure to look out for my review.
But back to the original topic, we stare at each other. Evolutionary Theory states that we stare at each other because genetically, we want to reproduce with one another to keep those genes going! It's simply science, and you can't just deny it because Darwin was a man.

But seriously men, cut out the whistling, it's really annoying. Even if you're a chav or just trying to act like a tough guy. We find it unattractive and you will most certainly not get lucky.

And to be honest, I don't see catcalling ,especially if it's double sided, enough of a reason to warrant phrases like 'kill all men' from feminists. It's sort of the reason none of us feminists are taken seriously and everyone knows that, well apart from the radical feminists themselves.
You're making the rest of us look bad!

And there is so much of this 'kill all men' vibe going around, that no one thinks to actually protect the men! Nobody takes the idea of an abused man seriously. Only lately is the media bringing the whole topic to light, like how a few years ago the Irish soap 'Fair City' dealt with the topic of domestic abuse against Damien, which Leanne was inflicting. She beat him to a pulp, yet everyone thought he was attacking her, or just being clumsy.
Some people would argue that male oppressors have socialized us into thinking that they are strong, invincible beings. But we all have weaknesses and no one ever remembers the unspoken rule of 'you can't hit a woman', so what are men to do when a woman goes to attack them? If he strikes in defense, he apparently warrants every derogatory name under the sun and maybe a prison sentence, and if he doesn't defend himself he's what? Forced to take it?
That just makes men much more vulnerable because they won't be able to admit it. Men are made to grow up thinking that they are strong and need to protect themselves, women and children, so to turn around and to admit defeat like that, is a huge blow to the ego. It takes some serious amount of courage for a man to admit to something like abuse at the hands of a woman.
Not to mention the after math. Women that are abused are offered all forms of councilling, are men offered as much as the women? How are they to trust another woman after? And how are these Radical Feminists helping matters? This is a father, a brother, an uncle, they (the feminists) are basically attacking their own family! I say this because the word 'all' doesn't usually come with any exceptions. So when they say 'kill all men', that is probably including their male relatives, whether they are lesbians or not, they still have fathers and brothers etc.


Did you know there is only one organisation in Ireland for domestically abused men?
A friend of mine told me a few months back that while there are 7500 shelters for female victims of domestic abuse, there are only 60 for men. If that's not shocking, then I don't know what is. The men are basically being ignored! He also went on to tell me that 90% of cases where the male is the victim, the abuser isn't arrested, and also that in 60% of the cases, the men are investigated as the abusers.

Lets just take a step back here.

Why the fuck are people hitting each other in the first place? Should we be sending our kids to workshops, anger management classes and sitting down to discuss feelings? (I'm all for the latter, personally). Gender differences aside, we shouldn't be attacking each other in the first place. We share the planet, we have the food we need, women can provide for themselves and we can get our aggression out through sports. So we are we even attacking each other? And do these people even think of their children.
When I was a kid I witnessed an accident that resulted in a lot of blood, and I sometimes think that it effected 5 year old me and somehow shaped my personality. Now, that was in no way connected to domestic abuse, but it had such a profound effect on me, that I can't imagine what must go through the heads of people who come from households where violence was the norm.

I get the fact that we can hate each other. Women hate women, men can hate men, we can all hate the opposite sex while we're at it too, we all have enemies either online or offline.But, fuck 'em. What good are they in our lives? We know they must be nice to other people, have relatives and loved ones, and we know that violence is wrong. So we're not exactly going to track them down and throttle them, are we?

But I really think that we need someone to argue on behalf of men.

They really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They can't hit anyone in defense, they can't stare at us, and they can't even give a compliment without it being harassment.

Yes folks, I'm now starting to get into the murky subject of sexual harassment.

The definition of rape is constantly argued by feminists. So here is my take on it:
'Unwanted and non-consensual sex at the present time of said thing occurring'

That sound legitimate enough for you? It does to me.

Now it is a bad thing. We all know. I've had friends that this has happened to and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm not denying that the world is a scary place and there are some pretty dangerous people out there. But some feminists are defining it a little too broadly for my liking. It has actually been made so broad that women are now claiming rape after regretting sleeping with a man the next day! Excuse me missy, but you were all for it last night, so that wasn't rape. That's you just being picky and trying to prevent yourself from feeling awkward the next day.
I admit there are drugs out there that alter your senses and very manipulative people that groom others. Some I'm trying not to generalize here. I'm here to slate radical feminists, not anyone effected by real rape cases. This broadness is making it more difficult for the real victims.
They don't want to go to a group counselling session, being forced to relieve that horrible moment, only to hear someone going 'yeah I slept with him, then realized it was a total mistake'

Okay, now I may understand why we sometimes opt to attack each other.

But with a movement as big as the radical feminist movement, and it's domination of certain sites like Tumblr, why are they not using their influence to solve serious issues? Like the mutation of female genitalia in the East? Or the fact that women in Saudi Arabia can't drive? What about the right to female education? Or the right for women to work? Why are they wasting their time just nagging everyone here in the West when they aren't really doing anything, except said nagging?
Do us a favour lassies, give a hand to the genuinely oppressed.
Oh sorry, is referring to people of my own gender as 'lassies' harassment? I wasn't informed. I usually don't mind it when people refer to me as a 'lass'

 And with that I will leave you. The final (and this time I mean it) bit to this little feminist rant shouldn't take as long as this one did, and it will look a bit into religion, and a bit more.
Thanks for reading!