An Emigrant Without A Say

Today I came across an article on Facebook that mentioned the fact that Irish emigrants still do not have the legal right to vote outside of the island of Ireland, so I decided to do a little digging.

I already knew this, of course, a fact that I, unfortunately, learned during the May referendum concerning same-sex marriage. While all of my family and friends got a say on this pivotal moment in history, I could only watch from the sidelines and listen for any news I could.

The Thing About Living With An Artist

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The other day I found myself in a warm and full bath, fully clothed, with some milk and flour mixed in.
I am a twenty year old who sat in a bath, that was basically cake ingredients.
I felt like Cruella de Vill when she got turned into a giant cake.

This is basically because I live with an artist, and my literal dunk into confectionery was in the name of photography.

This isn't the first odd thing I have been asked to do.

We Used To Be Friends, Now You Suck At Hate Mail

Friends right?
If they aren't right for you, it won't last. I know I write about my opinion quite a bit. but I don't always write about my personal life, so why not.
So I was once great friends with this girl. I stayed at her house every other weekend and we had music in common, and I turned to her when a lot of problems started up in my personal life.
We went around for days out and stuff and for a while I thought 'woah, she's so real. We know the truth, we're smart'. And for a while there she really inspired me in my writings, although upon reflection of what I wrote at the time, I feel as if I predicted our ending.

Good band, just kept me depressed when I had them on loop

You see, we're not friends anymore.
In fact she's admitted that she's wanted to rip me apart.

A year on from not speaking to her, and a year on from immigration and making new friends across the Irish Sea, I think that I've finally found true happiness.
When we were friends we listened to Nirvana a lot and felt that the world is a horrible dark place, and that we always needed eyeliner and converse. That every other person was fake and that people sucked. At the time I thought I was being mature and clever. Looking back, I was a fucking eejit dresses in black. Although I do tend to still dress in black.

While I feel free from this, I think I may have reinforced it for her. And in a way it's one of the things that have made me feel bad. But I remedy this with these thoughts:

1/  I shouldn't feel guilt for doing something that has made me happy. I shouldn't have to live in sadness, especially when she would have remained just as pessimistic anyway. Sometimes in life when we make decisions there will always be the people that think we've made the wrong choice, while there is also simultaneously those who think that we did the correct thing. I like the fact that I did what I did to make her hate me,  and I can't regret that, because it's opened doors for me. I'm now and on the path to a BA in Psychology, and my mind has been opened and expanded through sociological and theological conversation, which I never got at home, or with her for that matter.

2/ I've become mentally stable and happy. When we were friends all we did was wear jeans, eyeliner, listen to Nirvana and discuss how people are shit. A year away from this and I wear dresses, skirts, heels, lipstick, and I can happily listen to some pop or rap and not get judged for it. I feel less judged. Life has become a breath of fresh air.
Back when we were friends, I didn't talk to the other girls in my class. And I found it increasingly difficult to trust people. Now, for the first time in my life, I have a group of friends I can always text, make plans with and meet up with for lunch. I never had that in school before, so it's kinda sad that I only started having this in college. Granted, I still have trust issues, but I'm working on it.

We even have a Central Perk by our college and our own couches.

You see this falling out spawned from the fact that I said I couldn't live with her in England, when we moved for college. I believe that if I had actually gone through with it, I'd be in prison now for attempted murder or battery at the very least.
It had immediately been assumed that we would live together, and I have always been the little mouse who had trouble saying no, so I played along, which I admit is wrong, and I shouldn't have done that. My living plans had already been made and I found it difficult to say it.
Luckily, months before I finally left, I told the truth and said that I couldn't live with her in England, which resulted in her not being allowed to go to England.

I still immigrated and went to college, while she stayed in Ireland with no college, or job to fall back on.

David Bowie during his Ziggy Stardust era

I am glad that I told her months in advance. It makes me feel better as it would have given her enough time to plan something, but nothing materialized. She just sat around and wrote David Bowie lyrics on her bedroom wall.

I don't mean to sound like a bitch here, I just need to be blunt, but I do not miss the friendship. I don't miss being told I looked stupid, I don't miss being told that I couldn't do something right. And I don't miss the fact that most conversation revolved around bitching, or musicians who committed suicide 20 years ago. There was no nurturing or sensitivity there. I was demeaned and made to feel little for someone else's enjoyment. Whenever she had a problem, I listened, but whenever I had a problem it was just 'shut up, you always go on about this'.

In fact if I have any regrets, it's buying her a tenner's worth of cigarettes on the last day I saw her.

If I had never met her, I may not have survived, or I wouldn't have felt as depressed as I did back then, and I may have actually made friends with most of my class in school, had a normal social life, maybe had had a boyfriend and done normal teenage things.

It makes me feel like a weirdo now, in some ways. I'm the second eldest in my current friend group, yet most of the group has experience with being in a relationship. But I know that I don't need it, at the end of the day. I can be such a mess some-days as a single person, that I'd never want to drag someone else down with me. I already feel sorry for my first real boyfriend.

The girl, that this post is about, may think that I'm a bitch, but I'm not that much of a bitch. I'd never purposefully drag some poor guy down with me intentionally, if I had a bad day.

From her point of view, I know how hard it had been for her. But I'd had my back up plan, and she should have too. I know it's easy to now say that such and such should have been done, but I really did try to stay her friend. She's the one who cut contact, not me. I really tried, which is sorta why I got her ciggys in the first place.

But overall, I feel sorry for her. I really pity her.
I pity the fact that she thinks about me a year later.
I pity the fact that she feels compelled to find me on Tumblr.
I pity the fact that she needs to send me anons at 3pm on a Saturday because she has nothing else to do.
And I pity the fact that she will only ever watch Friends on TV, but never really experience the Friends-esque lifestyle that I do.

Yes, I lost one person, but I've gained so much more, both literally and mentally. When I go home to Ireland, I've got people who will try to go out of their way to see me, and when I return to England I've got friends that I can text all through the night. And it's these people that I truly can't live without, no matter what happens.

So, if you are reading this, you can do whatever the fuck you want. You want to get married at 18 to a guy you've met once? Go ahead, I've got nothing to say. I'm not jealous. I'm not angry. I'm not phased. You always said you didn't believe in it, but if you really want to, go ahead, whether it be because you really like him, or you want a Green Card.
I've got a good life going for myself. I've got work in the morning, then two days of exams, a day of drinking, and I get a tattoo next week, followed by a concert. I'm doing really great.

If anyone wants to talk about their own issues feel free to email me. 
I always enjoy comments or responses.

As is usually the case, pictures aren't mine and are the property of their rightful owners.

Unemployment Pains

Seeing as the title of this blog is called the 'Inner Dialogue and Ramblings of an Irish Immigrant', I feel it is time to discuss the pains of actually being an immigrant. I may touch on this later, in fact I can tell you about culture clashes, home sickness, learning that Matalan does NOT sell beds, among other things. But I think I may begin with the biggy.

And that is, of course, employment.

This is something that I still lack. It's a big reason for the mass immigration of Irish citizens within the past few years, and has reached high numbers that haven't been seen since the last recession of the 1980's. I've applied to numerous jobs within Liverpool, even going across the water in search of jobs on the Wirral and I've still had no luck whatsoever. I mean, I have a little bit of experience, I now know my general surroundings and understand the trains. I'm not calling that my experience by the way, I know how to take messages and I can do hands-on work. So its a bit of a bummer that the moment I'm finally settled to work, no one will take me on. The Christmas Rush has been and gone people! I need money! Don't you need people for the New Years Sales?!

This college student is in desperate need of funds! I may not drink it all! I may actually want to get a plane home for the holidays or buy a new pair of boots because I've fucked up my Doc Martins (which I still can't figure out how I did that).  Better yet, maybe I actually want to be able to buy people presents, in YOUR shop, where I want to work! I'll take Part Time, or one day a week if that's all that I can get! I'll take anything at this stage!

When I was a kid I thought : I'm gonna grow up, get one of those fur coats like the cool girls, get a job, do exams, live in my own flat, make friends and so on. I actually thought that I'd move to Waterford city and share my flat with some girls I'd grown up with.

Now I'm grown up, forced to immigrate to England, and on my own, I have no umbrella, just broken boots. I'm not one of the cool girls, barely passed exams, unemployed and I live with my best mates family. In fact all I did was make friends. I'm not complaining, in fact it's nice having friends to complain to.

With these stories from home emerging about these water charges, it makes me want to get work even more.

They say that I don't have enough experience? Well how am I meant to get it unless you give me a chance and hire me?

At this stage, I'm looking into volunteer work, so at least that way I can say that I am trained on a cash register, and it would look good on a University Application, so in a way I'm killing two birds with one stone. So far I've gotten some part time experience at a charity shop for Meals on Wheels, which not only makes me feel like a silent protester, or invisible Samaritan, but will benefit all those involved. The women there are lovely, all older than me, but lovely all the same.

This year I will be entering into my twenties, and I hope to do so with an actual job. Hopefully entry into University and employment. It's why I immigrated after all.

I recently went back to Ireland over Christmas and saw that while parts of the country was healing, other problems have just been growing worse. While I was in Dublin trying to get to the airport, I saw a lot of homeless people outside on the footpaths in the cold.
I may write an article on this in the future, but for now it will just be an idea in my head.
I may even do a countdown of the biggest trends in 2014.

Thank you for reading this, comments are welcome below! I'd love to hear from people in the same situation

The Uisce (Water) War

Well it has been in the news. It's been covered by the BBC (well only the BBC, if you believe that the RTE and TV3 is being censored because the owner apparently runs the water commission now too) and protested over with the past week or so, and being an Irish immigrant, always trying to keep up with the news of home, it was inevitable that I would eventually get my say in the water charges debate.

Please just keep in it mind that I'm not a lawyer or an economist, I am merely a person with an opinion that you may not agree with.

First of all, I just want to say that I find it atrociously unconstitutional. Surely there must have been some sort of referendum in advance? These protests have actually been going on a year, they've only been kicked into overdrive with the introduction of water meters, since the whole country refused to pay bills and standard charges originally, after the introduction of last years budget!
Water is a life necessity, and to have a price put on that without the consent of the people is ridiculous! I admit that the country needs more revenue and income if it is ever to leave this recession, but it is not okay when it is money being taken from the pockets of the people with no say in the matter!
If that's the case, would you like a kidney and a cup of tea while you're at it?

Also, apparently there was a report about a family in County Monaghan with 13 children that has calculated that with all of the water they would need to use in a year, they would be forced to pay almost 4,000 euro. What about these people with large families? Or those supporting parents and have them living with them, because they can't afford a nursing home in the first place? Also, will the introduction of these water charges mean an increase in the charges for nursing nursing homes? After all, residents will need water too, and any care assistant or nurse will tell you that it is incredibly important to remain hydrated when you are in your old age.

And yes, many countries already pay water charges and they are perfectly happy with it, they're used to it, they most likely paid them before they, themselves, had ended up in a recession too..

But if you think about it, with Dublin's new housing boom, homelessness is increasing, which shows how much people are struggling! So if people are struggling that much, then what makes the government and those in charge think that anyone can afford to pay for water? What about single parents expected to pay for the water that allows for drinking, showering, washing and cooking?

Plus, parts of Ireland still has dirty water that cannot be used, yet people in these regions are being forced to pay water rates, on top of their weekly bottles of water. This is just downright disgraceful. And as happy as I am to hear that the government is meant to be giving households an extra 8 euro per week, it annoys me that they still expect people to pay these charges with the money! It's like they're paying for us to pay. It's confusing, it almost becomes like a new version of 'what came first, the chicken or the egg?'

I'm sure that this could be fought from the perspective of the Human Rights Act....I mean I'm almost sure. I haven't looked into it. But surely there should be some law saying that everyone is entitled to sanitation, or to be clean or hydrated!

Also, could these charges come at any worse a time? It's October, the storms are beginning. Cork is flooded again! Thunder and lightening has been going all week! People need to buy oil, gas, coal, timber for fires! They have families to keep warm and healthy! These costs are beginning to accumulate, and everyone is expected to pay for water on top of that?! What if a pipe were to burst and water went everywhere? Would we be liable to pay for that water too? The water that will probably freeze over and maybe cause someone to fall, maybe cracking their head open?
Christmas is just around the corner and families are already struggling, so really, if the government is to introduce these new water measures, why not start last May?



But if you look at it in another sense, we are coming up to the centenary of the 1916 Easter Rising, and I'm pretty sure that with this big even coming up (one that is sure to attract tourism and people tracing their genealogical roots) people will be angered to look back on these people who died for a Free Ireland, only for it to be as badly off as it is now, and trying every method possible to extract money from the people against their will, in this case through water charges.

Hopefully, I will be returning home to Ireland this month for my birthday, but at the rate things are going I won't be going out for celebratory drinks. I may be standing with my family protesting out in the cold instead.

As someone who has immigrated because of the state of the Irish economy, these water charges were most likely be another push factor for young people and workers, causing them to leave too. And if this happens, we may see a bigger number of people immigrating than was seen in the recession of the 1980's.

None of these pictures are mine and are used to only get my point across.
Comments are welcome.