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As mentioned in a previous post, I became close to my mother over the past few years. This is not only because I happened to stumble upon an amazing book that gave me confidence. It was actually because of a personal thing that had happened within my family at the time. I'm not going to bore you with details, but I will tell you that, as a result of this, I came away from that experience with an awful fear of commitment and of dating men.
Before this, I had never really been a dater, hell, I'm still not. The only boyfriend I ever had, I avoided once it was declared that we were together, so obviously that wasn't a long and fruitful relationship.
But my point is, I find it difficult to trust men, or to tell people that I love them.
I've lived with my college roommate/best friend for almost nine months now, and in that time I've only said it around three times, tops. It's not something that comes lightly to me.
Recently, I read a post on Facebook about some girl who said something along the lines of 'oh men only tell you what you want to hear'. And a part of me was like YEAH! ROCK ON!YOU TELL IT SISTER! While another part of me was saddened by the way that things have gone.
Let us please take a moment to brush away misogynistic comments and the whole 'men don't have to shave, so why should I?' debacle for now and just look at this from another perspective. I admit, men can be liars, assholes in fact. I complain about them all the time, just as much as I complain about women (just because I'm a feminist doesn't mean that I have to agree or like all women, in fact there's one that I'd love to throttle right now).
But this guy had obviously used this girl and broken her heart. She had jumped into a relationship with him, giving him her time and effort, and he's just tossed her aside like trash! I hate it when all you hear is stories about men telling lies and such rubbish! Men may defend themselves saying 'she's easy' but that is NOT the case. Women talk to men and act confident while dressed up because they want to feel pretty and not wait around for you to make the first move. Why is it that confidence is always confused with being a slut? I'm terrified, perhaps, at the thought of being blinded by some sort of relationship bias, causing me to be vulnerable to happenings such as these!
But for the men here, or those of you thinking that I'm some sort of Radical Feminist, I also freely admit that women can be bitches. Yes we can be absolute whores, have three men going at once, even match men in their lies. These women may also begin to say that the men were 'easy' as some sort of rebuttal to the sexist things said about us, you never know.
I like to think that for every asshole of a man, there is a bitch of a woman.
Everyone has to find some sort of 'diamond in the rough' as it were. There are genuinely good guys out there, whether you're looking for them or not. Christ, most of the music nowadays is all about failing relationships or unattainable partners! I'm sick of it! It's placing a stigma on relationships, for those like me in my position! Perhaps I am terrified of looking like a fool, perhaps I'm subconsciously scared of being too close to someone, or of the confinement of commitment. I honestly can't see myself married, after all, where do I find a guy who's idea of a date is a MacDonalds and a Lord of the Rings marathon? Hell, if I ever felt comfortable enough to marry him I'd have a Game of Thrones styled wedding (minus the deaths of course). And where am I to find a guy like that?
And with men objectifying women, as proved by the guy on the train leering at me on the way home today, I now give myself full permission to do the same to them. If you are hot as fuck, I will watch you and that is that. And with this self-permission, I have become quite the Picky Penny (shit use of alliteration, I know). I know what physical traits I want, mostly a good head of dark hair and brown eyes. It reminds me of that scene in P.S I Love You when Lisa Kudrow is pulled up on staring at a guys butt and she gives herself full permission for being shallow, because men stared at her tits all the time. ( I feel you there sister)
And just because men can be assholes, don't think that it ends there. It's the same with men treating their partners like shit in gay relationships, just as it is for women being bitches to their partners in lesbian relationships, again proving that women can be just as bad as men.
It's more likely to be publicized or written into a soap opera about men lying and cheating and doing only God knows what else, than for a woman to be caught doing those things, when we obviously can, whether we deem it right or not (although personally I will always see it as wrong, no matter what).
I'm sorry that this post isn't as colourful as they usually are, it was better planned in my head on the train while being stared at.
My point at the end of the day is this: it's so difficult to trust men when it comes to the idea of relationships, but women can be just as lethal. But if you're straight, gay, bi, transgender, or that other one that's been added to posters that I can't remember, just keep in mind that you are always worth it and that you shouldn't take shit from anybody, even if they make you feel inferior or not good enough, then get rid of them. You are your own destiny, and the only person that stands between you and happiness is you and you alone.
I hope that someday, I will over come my trust issues and heal, but until then, I'm gonna be that hot piece of ass that walks around and doesn't get tied down by any man, all I need is my red lipstick and ruffled hair and I'm out that door as an empowered woman, in charge of her own life and happiness, and hopefully so will you too. (lipstick being optional)
xx
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