I Was That Girl

People love to complain about other people, and it's a well-known fact. Even people who try to never say a bad word about anyone else secretly enjoys pointing out the vices of others, or at least listening about the drama in their friend's lives.

One of these biggest faults has recently come to light, and that is girls who 'only hang out with boys because it's less drama'.

I admit, I was one of these girls.

I know, I know, I'm red with embarrassment but it had to be admitted.

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a total tomboy. I refuse to participate in sports. But I love hard rock bands, and I have certain interests that wouldn't be classed as being feminine.

I'm not like this anymore though, although I still listen to AC/DC and watch the goriest films I can find. Things have changed since then, obviously. Such as 3 different educational institutions, the entrance into adulthood, emigration, a wider reading into the feminist movement, and a lot of friendships. So this post is obviously going to be written from personal experience.

Growing up, I was placed into mixed schools and always befriended both girls and boys. But I tended to gravitate towards the same 3 girls in primary school. But once we were separated at the age of 12 and all went our separate ways to other schools, I found myself talking to the boys more. I had originally tried to talk to the girls but there were SO MANY, and I'm sorry but I can't keep up to date with all of their information. If I was a computer, I would have crashed. But the biggest thing I hated, was all of the back-stabbing, and low-key catty remarks. The boys I spoke to were never like that, in fact they kept everything light and just spoke about TV and games, so I was perfectly content in my little world of male small talk, and maybe two other girls who also didn't want to be in a huge group of girls who, like me, just wanted to keep things light and talk about the latest episode of American Horror Story.

Looking back on it, the biggest wedge that was driven between myself and these groups of girls was the lack of mutual interest. I genuinely didn't want to go out to nightclubs at 15 and wear short dresses. I wasn't confident enough for all of that. And I liked reading and discussing what was happening in the world, rather than who to date or what make up was the one to buy. I didn't like spending the money they did. I had my own life problems, and even though I didn't talk about it in school, it didn't mean that it didn't affect me.

Don't get me wrong, I still wore makeup, and watched Glee and nerded out over whatever consumerist phenomenon teen girls at the time were eating up, but I just never clicked with the other girls.

Skip ahead another few years.

I get to England, I start at college and I enter into a friend group of girls and boys. Yes, they discuss who is dating who, and their significant others, but they also nerd out over what I nerd out over, they like my music and my books and I'm enthralled because I am finally in the presence of like-minded individuals. These were people who had read the same books as me and knew the bands that I knew. In secondary school I was tormented over my music tastes. The people that did the tormenting may not have viewed it as such and instead may have seen it as 'a laugh', but it actually did hurt me and made me feel alienated. Which, again, caused a wedge between me and these big groups.

A few more years later, I'm in University and I have an all girl group, just like how it all started. I have 3 girls that I gravitate towards. And I've kept in touch with some other girls along the way. They mention their boyfriends, and I actually find it interesting. Another girl might complain about someone we know, and I just live for the details! I haven't become one of the girls from Secondary School, I don't wear ridiculous dresses, I've started wearing skirts and feeling more confident in myself, however.

Yes, there is drama, but it isn't exactly ours, it's someone else's and we are just discussing and dissecting it and it's amazing! It gives you this great feeling of 'if something happens, these girls have my back'. I have found my tribe! I am part of a sisterhood. I am really seeing and experiencing, firsthand, just how amazing women are! And it makes me proud to be a woman.

So what have I learned in my 17 years of mandatory educational socialising?

Boys can be the dramatic ones.

I have partially blamed all of my social problems on the fact that people who come from all-girls and all-boys schools create an expectation that they must immediately begin to date once they enter into a situation which requires a mixed environment.

But I have still met guys who have come from mixed school who tend to spark drama, or whine and 'complain like a girl'.

But while girls are given dirty looks and turned into memes for having the capability to vocalize their discomfort, a guy doing it has actually led to the emergence of 'a guy's girl', whereby a girl might choose to act as masculine as a boy and surround herself by boys, in the hopes that she will be taken seriously, but why should she have to feel like she needs to renounce some of her feminine qualities just to be taken seriously? She's human, shouldn't people be listening to her anyway?

Of course, some women are taken seriously, and some men aren't, it's always going to be a two sided coin, but this is the way that the media and representation has gone. It's often we hear of a girl who surrounds herself with  men because it's 'less drama', or see the Facebook meme about a demanding and overbearing girlfriend.

But let's face it, you can still wind up with a demanding and overbearing boyfriend, or meet a guy who stirs up all of the drama. Most sexual assault against women is committed by a man who won't take no for an answer, which, in itself, is quiet dramatic! Most people would just say 'okay' and leave!

We need to stop acting like one action is always committed by, or can only be committed by, the one gender.

Life isn't a film, it is possible for girls and boys to have a platonic friendship where no romance ensues. Some boys hang out with girls groups because that's what makes them happy and good on them! You go boys!!!

Just please try and get your other guy friends to stop making us feel like one of those girls who should hang with boys because, at the end of the day, it makes us females ashamed of other girls, and we shouldn't ever feel ashamed of our own, or of who we are.

 You aren't, so why should we?

I do not own any of the above pictures. All rights go towards their respected owners.