The First One (Tattoos)

You see. At 17, I wanted this Irish sentence on my arm, I knew that I'd be leaving Ireland and immigrating and I wanted a piece of home with me, and the phrase itself just always spoke volumes to me. I had been mulling it over for months and I knew I wanted it. Hell, I still know I want it and I'm going to be 20 in a few months.                                                              

So when I was around 17-ish, I was watching TV with my mother when I randomly broke the silence with 'What would you think if I got a tattoo?'

She wasn't against it, which I still don't know how I feel about. I mean on one hand, you kind of expect mothers to fly off the handle and come out with things like 'I basically created your arm and you want to vandalise it?!'

But on the other hand, my father has tattoos, and my mother always said that she would like one, but never knew that to get, or where to get it.

She asked me what kinda of tattoo I was thinking about, and where I would like it, and then text my dad to ask for his opinion. He didn't mind, but he gave me two rules (one which I later broke).

1. Get it in a spot where you can hide it in the event of a job interview or a court hearing, etc.
     Reasonable. I didn't want my first tattoo to be a picture of Homer Simpson on my face, or any of those huge Chinese ones on my neck anyway. I don't want them in general either. The only way that could happen is if I ever got drunk in the likes of Magaluf.

2. Get it done by the guy that does his own tattoos.
     I broke this one. I actually got mine done in another country. I wasn't going to wait months and months to go to Ireland just for a tattoo, and I had seen the work of the person near my house, so I got her to do it.


Anyway, to cut a long story short, something also popped up, and I ended up having a different tattoo for my first experience. But I plan on getting my Irish one next.

Before you go into the studio, you may be shaking in fear. That's fine. It's your first time repeatedly being stabbed by a needle that will leave a mark on your body forever, and you have no idea how it will feel until it actually happens! There's no backing out, in your mind now. You just need to place one foot in front of the other and do it.

You will see the drawing of the tattoo before the outline is transferred onto your skin, so you can tell them if there's something you're not happy with, after all you'll be the one living with it for the rest of your life.

Then you'll be covered in disinfectant, and the process shall begin.
When I first asked someone what it felt like, I got the response of a 'burning or hot scratch'.
They weren't far off the mark, it was, or else I would call it the slightest of electrocution.  I don't want to scare you off with that comment. I think I came up with it because it was near veins and nerves, and the wire kept touching my hand, giving me the feel of vibrations,
Let's just say, it's tolerable. And if you want to stop and have a break, you're allowed to do so.

So when mine was finished, it was wrapped in cling film. Everyone I know who has gone through this, had the same thing placed on it, but I've read about other cases that bandage it. But in this scenario, I was told to leave it on for an hour, and then wash it with warm water and place some Bepanthen (also heard E45 can be used) on it.

All I remember is going into the chip shop next door and staring at it like, 'woah, I've got a tattoo. I'm an adult! I see blood! Woah!'

Killing the hours wait is fine. I just watched an episode of the Simpsons and Futurama, and it was fine. The area will be a little raw for around 3 days, just make sure DON'T SCRATCH IT! (you'll ruin the ink and need a touch up)

Apparently, they take up to six weeks to heal.

My tattoo will be a week old tomorrow, and it's already beginning to peel. It's odd, watching blue skin peel away from your arm.

When I'm out, it's covered, when I'm home its airing, and I try to apply cream whenever I can. I finally feel like an adult, buying alcohol, a nose piercing, some permanent body art, budgeting my own finances and going out on nights out.

Let my twenties begin!


All reviews and comments are welcome! Again, pictures are not mine, but obviously the anecdotes are!

Versatile Blogger Award

So I have had the privilege of being nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award, thanks to my good friend Eilis! (nocatgotmytongue@blogspot.ie)
So a big thank you to her!
Also, I apparently have to nominate some people (15) to do this, but I don't know that many bloggers so, I nominate my roommate (sunrisewithmysadcaptains.blogspot.co.uk) and my friend Rob(marvellousmusing.blogspot.com). Don't be shy to go and give them a read!

And with those thank yous out of the way and the nominations (which are mandatory, those I nominate need to do the same. And don't forget to link who you nominate and who nominated you!)


1/ I'm half blonde. Literally. Over the summer I got the great idea to try and be like Kate Nash, Caitlin Moran, Imelda May, perhaps even a bit like Gemma Teller, which resulted in me dying half of my head a white platinum blonde, and leaving the other half my usual dark brunette. People tend to like it, and not a lot of people have it, so until I get tired of it, it stays.

2/ My music taste is so versatile (haha get it?) that I've seen both the Glee Cast and AC/DC live. Yep, I can go from showtunes to heavy metal, from rockabilly to Irish Trad, and from Taylor Swift to the likes of Evanescence. But both groups were amazing live, and I'm proud that I'll be able to tell my grandkids that I saw Cory Monteith before he died.

3/ I have a facial piercing and a tattoo.
    Yes this one is true. I turned up to my prom/debs with my nose pierced, and I'm after getting a tattoo on my arm, so I'm basically experiencing all life has to offer, well most of it. I don't think I'll be dabbling in the likes of heroin anytime soon.

4/ I'm a chronic nail biter. As a toddler I sucked my thumb until it bled, and it later progressed into full-on nail biting. This year I will be entering into my twenties, and I have yet to find a way of quitting. I've painted it in that bad tasting stuff, I've painted it in nail polish, I've even tried bandaging each individual finger. Nothing works! And as a psych student, I don't know for sure if hypnotherapy would work.

5/ I have recently gotten an offer to study Criminology and Psychology at Liverpool John Moore's University. This one has me very excited! I've accepted! Now I just need to step up my game andget passed a C in my summer exams.

6/ I found out that I have para-somniatic tendencies a few years ago. Turns out it's the reason I locked myself out of the house when I was eight, at 3am. And it's also why I talk in my sleep, growl (occassionally) and hit people. God love whatever guy I wind up with.

7/ I have had music lessons in: Piano, tin-whistle, guitar and African drumming. And I'd say if I were forced to play them all now, I'd be worst at the piano, which pains me. I'd rather learn the fiddle to be honest. My family is big into music, and my mother has a history in the accordian and the tin-whistle. Growing up I've listened to all genres, and while I'd never be one of those people to say 'music saved  my life' or 'music is a big part of me', I will admit that it is  everywhere I go in life.
But seriously, until Courtney Love pulls me from a river to save me from drowning, music has not saved my life.

We Used To Be Friends, Now You Suck At Hate Mail

Friends right?
If they aren't right for you, it won't last. I know I write about my opinion quite a bit. but I don't always write about my personal life, so why not.
So I was once great friends with this girl. I stayed at her house every other weekend and we had music in common, and I turned to her when a lot of problems started up in my personal life.
We went around for days out and stuff and for a while I thought 'woah, she's so real. We know the truth, we're smart'. And for a while there she really inspired me in my writings, although upon reflection of what I wrote at the time, I feel as if I predicted our ending.

Good band, just kept me depressed when I had them on loop

You see, we're not friends anymore.
In fact she's admitted that she's wanted to rip me apart.

A year on from not speaking to her, and a year on from immigration and making new friends across the Irish Sea, I think that I've finally found true happiness.
When we were friends we listened to Nirvana a lot and felt that the world is a horrible dark place, and that we always needed eyeliner and converse. That every other person was fake and that people sucked. At the time I thought I was being mature and clever. Looking back, I was a fucking eejit dresses in black. Although I do tend to still dress in black.

While I feel free from this, I think I may have reinforced it for her. And in a way it's one of the things that have made me feel bad. But I remedy this with these thoughts:

1/  I shouldn't feel guilt for doing something that has made me happy. I shouldn't have to live in sadness, especially when she would have remained just as pessimistic anyway. Sometimes in life when we make decisions there will always be the people that think we've made the wrong choice, while there is also simultaneously those who think that we did the correct thing. I like the fact that I did what I did to make her hate me,  and I can't regret that, because it's opened doors for me. I'm now and on the path to a BA in Psychology, and my mind has been opened and expanded through sociological and theological conversation, which I never got at home, or with her for that matter.

2/ I've become mentally stable and happy. When we were friends all we did was wear jeans, eyeliner, listen to Nirvana and discuss how people are shit. A year away from this and I wear dresses, skirts, heels, lipstick, and I can happily listen to some pop or rap and not get judged for it. I feel less judged. Life has become a breath of fresh air.
Back when we were friends, I didn't talk to the other girls in my class. And I found it increasingly difficult to trust people. Now, for the first time in my life, I have a group of friends I can always text, make plans with and meet up with for lunch. I never had that in school before, so it's kinda sad that I only started having this in college. Granted, I still have trust issues, but I'm working on it.

We even have a Central Perk by our college and our own couches.

You see this falling out spawned from the fact that I said I couldn't live with her in England, when we moved for college. I believe that if I had actually gone through with it, I'd be in prison now for attempted murder or battery at the very least.
It had immediately been assumed that we would live together, and I have always been the little mouse who had trouble saying no, so I played along, which I admit is wrong, and I shouldn't have done that. My living plans had already been made and I found it difficult to say it.
Luckily, months before I finally left, I told the truth and said that I couldn't live with her in England, which resulted in her not being allowed to go to England.

I still immigrated and went to college, while she stayed in Ireland with no college, or job to fall back on.

David Bowie during his Ziggy Stardust era

I am glad that I told her months in advance. It makes me feel better as it would have given her enough time to plan something, but nothing materialized. She just sat around and wrote David Bowie lyrics on her bedroom wall.

I don't mean to sound like a bitch here, I just need to be blunt, but I do not miss the friendship. I don't miss being told I looked stupid, I don't miss being told that I couldn't do something right. And I don't miss the fact that most conversation revolved around bitching, or musicians who committed suicide 20 years ago. There was no nurturing or sensitivity there. I was demeaned and made to feel little for someone else's enjoyment. Whenever she had a problem, I listened, but whenever I had a problem it was just 'shut up, you always go on about this'.

In fact if I have any regrets, it's buying her a tenner's worth of cigarettes on the last day I saw her.

If I had never met her, I may not have survived, or I wouldn't have felt as depressed as I did back then, and I may have actually made friends with most of my class in school, had a normal social life, maybe had had a boyfriend and done normal teenage things.

It makes me feel like a weirdo now, in some ways. I'm the second eldest in my current friend group, yet most of the group has experience with being in a relationship. But I know that I don't need it, at the end of the day. I can be such a mess some-days as a single person, that I'd never want to drag someone else down with me. I already feel sorry for my first real boyfriend.

The girl, that this post is about, may think that I'm a bitch, but I'm not that much of a bitch. I'd never purposefully drag some poor guy down with me intentionally, if I had a bad day.

From her point of view, I know how hard it had been for her. But I'd had my back up plan, and she should have too. I know it's easy to now say that such and such should have been done, but I really did try to stay her friend. She's the one who cut contact, not me. I really tried, which is sorta why I got her ciggys in the first place.

But overall, I feel sorry for her. I really pity her.
I pity the fact that she thinks about me a year later.
I pity the fact that she feels compelled to find me on Tumblr.
I pity the fact that she needs to send me anons at 3pm on a Saturday because she has nothing else to do.
And I pity the fact that she will only ever watch Friends on TV, but never really experience the Friends-esque lifestyle that I do.

Yes, I lost one person, but I've gained so much more, both literally and mentally. When I go home to Ireland, I've got people who will try to go out of their way to see me, and when I return to England I've got friends that I can text all through the night. And it's these people that I truly can't live without, no matter what happens.

So, if you are reading this, you can do whatever the fuck you want. You want to get married at 18 to a guy you've met once? Go ahead, I've got nothing to say. I'm not jealous. I'm not angry. I'm not phased. You always said you didn't believe in it, but if you really want to, go ahead, whether it be because you really like him, or you want a Green Card.
I've got a good life going for myself. I've got work in the morning, then two days of exams, a day of drinking, and I get a tattoo next week, followed by a concert. I'm doing really great.

If anyone wants to talk about their own issues feel free to email me. 
I always enjoy comments or responses.

As is usually the case, pictures aren't mine and are the property of their rightful owners.

Unemployment Pains

Seeing as the title of this blog is called the 'Inner Dialogue and Ramblings of an Irish Immigrant', I feel it is time to discuss the pains of actually being an immigrant. I may touch on this later, in fact I can tell you about culture clashes, home sickness, learning that Matalan does NOT sell beds, among other things. But I think I may begin with the biggy.

And that is, of course, employment.

This is something that I still lack. It's a big reason for the mass immigration of Irish citizens within the past few years, and has reached high numbers that haven't been seen since the last recession of the 1980's. I've applied to numerous jobs within Liverpool, even going across the water in search of jobs on the Wirral and I've still had no luck whatsoever. I mean, I have a little bit of experience, I now know my general surroundings and understand the trains. I'm not calling that my experience by the way, I know how to take messages and I can do hands-on work. So its a bit of a bummer that the moment I'm finally settled to work, no one will take me on. The Christmas Rush has been and gone people! I need money! Don't you need people for the New Years Sales?!

This college student is in desperate need of funds! I may not drink it all! I may actually want to get a plane home for the holidays or buy a new pair of boots because I've fucked up my Doc Martins (which I still can't figure out how I did that).  Better yet, maybe I actually want to be able to buy people presents, in YOUR shop, where I want to work! I'll take Part Time, or one day a week if that's all that I can get! I'll take anything at this stage!

When I was a kid I thought : I'm gonna grow up, get one of those fur coats like the cool girls, get a job, do exams, live in my own flat, make friends and so on. I actually thought that I'd move to Waterford city and share my flat with some girls I'd grown up with.

Now I'm grown up, forced to immigrate to England, and on my own, I have no umbrella, just broken boots. I'm not one of the cool girls, barely passed exams, unemployed and I live with my best mates family. In fact all I did was make friends. I'm not complaining, in fact it's nice having friends to complain to.

With these stories from home emerging about these water charges, it makes me want to get work even more.

They say that I don't have enough experience? Well how am I meant to get it unless you give me a chance and hire me?

At this stage, I'm looking into volunteer work, so at least that way I can say that I am trained on a cash register, and it would look good on a University Application, so in a way I'm killing two birds with one stone. So far I've gotten some part time experience at a charity shop for Meals on Wheels, which not only makes me feel like a silent protester, or invisible Samaritan, but will benefit all those involved. The women there are lovely, all older than me, but lovely all the same.

This year I will be entering into my twenties, and I hope to do so with an actual job. Hopefully entry into University and employment. It's why I immigrated after all.

I recently went back to Ireland over Christmas and saw that while parts of the country was healing, other problems have just been growing worse. While I was in Dublin trying to get to the airport, I saw a lot of homeless people outside on the footpaths in the cold.
I may write an article on this in the future, but for now it will just be an idea in my head.
I may even do a countdown of the biggest trends in 2014.

Thank you for reading this, comments are welcome below! I'd love to hear from people in the same situation