Don't Call Me Baby

Before you judge, no this isn't a post that revolves around a song by Madison Avenue, and it's not a feminist rant either....well not a radical one, it may be a little feminist-y.

If you like your partner calling you 'baby', that's your own prerogative, fair play to you. I have nothing bad to say to you! You like it, it works for you, well done. Or maybe you prefer being called 'baby cakes' or 'sweet cheeks', the last one just makes me think of pimps and prostitutes, to be quite honest.

I like terms like 'doll face' and 'luv', don't get me wrong. But more in a maternal way towards children, or if I'm pretending to be The Joker on Halloween. Other than that, I'm not exactly one for terms of endearment. Maybe people need the reassurance that their partner still wants to put up with them, but for people like me (who find the idea of love questionable) I really can't stand being called these things.

Feminists will argue that men are demeaning us and sending up back centuries by giving us these nicknames. Men will fight back with 'what do you women want?!'

I have to say, I'm kinda feeling sorry for the men here. I'm not saying that I'm superior as a woman, I'm just saying that women wreck the heads of other women, not just men. Trust me, I see it everyday. Where else do you think cat fights come out of?

I was reading this psychology article this morning about how the whole nickname thing is all about making sure that the other party knows that they love them, and as some sort of way to subconsciously find out that the feeling was reciprocated. It's clever, if you really think about it. Subtly asking the eternal question of, 'you sick of me yet?'.

People have this irrational fear of dying alone, so much to the point that they have now resorted to 'Mine for dinner baby?', or 'Hey toots, wanna come up Saturday?'

Life is not a cheesy movie. We're not going to the dance with the hottest guy in school only to end up dating our friends, and we are not going to end up marrying and successfully keeping our first boyfriends/girlfriends.

Don't think I'm being negative. No one here will die alone, because people are never alone, no matter how much they feel it. I don't believe in first relationships, and I may question love in general, but I don't want to be the Grinch and steal everyone's relationships. I wish everyone the best of luck, I just don't want people to be calling me 'baby'.

It's almost paedophilic, its weird, its wrong. And I don't see why 'baby'. Of the millions of words and nouns within the dictionary, WHY BABY?!

It's a tiny human. It's a newborn. Not a fully grown woman that can buys her own drinks and watches documentries on serial killers!

So you might want to ask people when you run into them, whether or not they like the term. Or better yet, when you see me at a bar (which I highly doubt), don't call me 'baby'.

Wrong First Impressions?

So with work, college and routine back, we are once again struggling with that yearly problem. No I'm not talking about getting out of bed in the morning, but it's just as bad.
It's the fear of making friends.
You know the one I'm talking about. The one where you worry about ending up alone for the rest of the year because the girl at the end of the room looked at you funny, or because that guy from earlier didn't notice when you purposely laughed too loudly.
Out of interest, have any of you ever taken the time to ask one of your friends their first impressions of you? Recently, one of my friends admitted to me that she thought I wouldn't like her because I seemed 'stuck up my own arse'. Now we share innuendos and flirt with each other for a laugh, even though we are both straight and one of us has a boyfriend (it's not me, sadly).
I got thinking after she said this, and I remembered how a guy in my old school had told a girl that he had never befriended her earlier because he was terrified that she would kill him, she just so happened to look that vicious and angry all the time, he was put off.
In reality, she was a lovely girl that I had a lot in common with. She didn't have a criminal record or any bad behaviour in her school files.
But then I got to the inevitable question of, why?
Why did I seem so snobby?
I was a culchie from a field in Ireland. I didn't come from a city like everyone! I came from an agriculturally based village. I didn't go to Top Shop or River Island. My mother sewed up old clothes and I hardly ever went shopping, unless it was down the road for a can of coke!
So I reflected on what I was doing when I first crossed paths with this girl, on the day of my first ever class of Sociology. What with it being a new country, and a new learning environment, I was also afraid about culture clashes and my impression with everyone else. I was so consumed with this fear that I started wearing red lipstick, curling my hair and trying to seem a little bit more...me. More than the girl that came from the middle of nowhere, and more than the girl that lived in jeans and band shirts.

I was also sitting at the other end of the room and trying to make friends with a guy, who I totally ended up falling out with anyway, so I kinda don't blame her for thinking I was some sort of pretentious bitch.
They say that the first impression happens within one tenth of a second. Which is pretty scary. But if this has taught me anything, its that first impressions are best when you look like shit, or you're wearing your oldest clothes with no make up.
Admittedly, both myself and this friend both wear light make up and occasionally dress up, but in the year we've been besties, we've both turned up in shirts going from Jurassic Park, to Ghostbusters. We are total dorks that wink at each other  and act stupid. Which is nothing that you'd expect from me a year ago if you were to see me, with red lipstick, curly hair and my best black coat, asking questions and arguing sociological problems.
Do any of you have any stories about first impressions?
Any of your friends say that they were terrified of you or found you intimidating in any way?
I'd love to hear from you in the comments.

Also, my follow up post on What's Wrong With Feminism shouldn't take too long. Sorry for that delay. I saw how much you all enjoyed it.

And another thing, you may want to keep an eye out on the blog if you watch Sons of Anarchy, I may end up writing about it, now that the final season has started, and you know how much I like me some Courtney Love.

As usual, I don't own the picture and get nothing out of it except a nice bit of colour on my page.

Problems That Put People Off of Feminism- Part 1

So I've admitted this before, the very thing that scares people, frightens them, and makes them immediately jump to the conclusion that I am out for blood, is because of one simple fact.
I am a feminist.
But as a feminist, I disagree with some of my own, including Greer and other radical feminists.

A while ago, a friend of mine said that they were for women's rights, but against feminism. And you know what? It actually made the world of sense. It didn't shake my belief system or anything, every belief system is flawed, religion, democracy and even feminism.

But this particular friend of mine said that they did not think that promoting the rights of only one group of people would ever bring about equality.
Now, my particular view on feminism, is that it stands for everyone, not just women, even though the word 'femme' is in the title.

But what was said next was undeniably true and there was no escaping it.

Feminists deny the rights of male victims of rape and domestic violence.
Let's just take a moment to let that sink in.
In Ireland there is only ONE society for male victims of domestic abuse, and do you even hear about male victims of rape in the media? No, you don't!
It's a horrible thing that happens in our society, you wouldn't wish it your worst enemy and you feel sorry for every woman that is forced to go through such an experience, but the men are forced into silence and it isn't right! We are all human beings and we all have a voice!

Yes, there is a patriarchy, and yes feminists want it abolished, but my branch of feminism doesn't want women to rule, we just want to share the power, but with the way things are going, feminists in charge are silencing these men and it isn't right!

This friend also brought up the subject of feminists against trans women. And he began to spout facts about how partner violence is split male/female 45/55. That's so high it is scary. As a woman, I obviously don't want a woman to be abused, but as a human being I don't want it to happen men to either. And we are really shocked about this number because we expected it to be lower. And do you know why we thought that the statistics of male victims would be low? Because we never hear about it in the media! That's why! We have been brainwashed into believing that men are these powerful and safe beings, when they are just as vulnerable as us.

But seriously, there were stories in this report about women who hit their boyfriends because they said they thought they had breast cancer, (WHICH MEN CAN GET!). Honestly, ask a doctor, hell, ask a FEMALE doctor if you have to. But it will only turn out that men can actually have breast cancer. And what if it turned out that the poor man actually had it too? Then a fully grown woman had wrongly attacked a sick man! Apparently she had been wearing a ring at the time and popped his lip open. No woman would want her boyfriend to do that to her if she had breast cancer, so why would it be considered okay to do that to a man?

And if you try to argue this with some feminists, (ahem you know the website I'm talking about,) they will argue so much that if they can't prove you wrong, or know that you're right, they actually tell you to kill yourself. I've seen cases where friends of mine have been sent messages like this. So you cannot blame some people for disliking feminism.

I've said it on this blog before, on my piece called 'Trusting Men', that for every asshole of a guy, you get a bitch of a woman. And I still stand by that. We aren't all innocent. And people forget this. This forgetfulness is making male victims of abuse a taboo subject.

And you know what? It came as a shock to this person that I am a feminist who agreed with him, as he had been so verbally abused by every other feminist he had ever tried to speak to. I listened and considered logic without screaming at him for being a guy.


I consider myself as more of a liberal feminist, where we need to bring about change through social policy and through legislation, rather than spread a rumor that I burn bras and try out political lesbianism. I admit, women have been oppressed. As an Irish person who grew up learning about Irish history, I learned about how less than 50 years ago women weren't allowed to collect their dole money or children's allowance. And not only this, but once they married, they weren't allowed to work. I've often heard of women trained in colleges in order to work in certain professions, who weren't allowed to work in their dream job in the end, because they were married.
Not being allowed to collect their own money, the job relied soley on the men, who would sometimes squander the money and drink it all, leaving the women to starve, women who would even starve themselves, just so they could feed their kids.

But again, not all men are like that.

And women can be alcoholics too.

Plus, nowadays, there are situations where men are stuck at home and women work. But if these women try to be alcoholics, the men will always have dole to feed the children. Things are always changing, and this shows that in many many ways.

 But this is mainly the West, some women in the East tend to still have it difficult, just as our ancestors did. These women have no respect given to them in marriages, some are married off, some can't choose their husbands, and some aren't given the option of education, let alone further education.

There are 101 problems with women and with being a woman today, but no one can deny that nothing but progress is happening.

Meeting Charlaine Harris

So, today I was given the best present ever, in return for a long day filled with college queues and trying to convince them to let me back for a second year, a present in the form of meeting the author, Charlaine Harris.
Known for her Sookie Stackhouse books, Harris shot to fame after the the books were taken up by HBO and turned into the highly successful True Blood franchise, starring Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, who play the telepath Sookie Stackhouse and her love interest, the vampire, Bill Compton.

With this being the thing that drew me to her work, it was no wonder that when it came time to think up questions to ask her, all I could think about was True Blood, as I'm sure was the case for a lot of the people in the room with me, as we waited for the arrival of one of the greatest supernatural writers of this generation.
When she finally stepped into the room and took to the mic, she was charming, funny and incredibly witty, telling us that it was okay to ask questions about True Blood and other questions that didn't relate to her current book, as long as they made sense, but not to ask her to allow us to lick her, honestly, she actually said that!

Along with informing a girl that some people may not have read the last of the Sookie books yet, after the girl in question said aloud the name of the person that the lead woman ends up with at the end of the series, she also answered questions regarding locations where her stories are based, how the first book she ever wrote in a creative writing class was picked up and published, and also how her favourite vampire is Lestat (not to mention she corresponds with Anne Rice!)  She also answered my own questions.

When we met Charlaine to get our books signed, I'm the one with the half blonde hair.

As a practising writer myself, I felt the need to ask her about character creation, which made me question whether some of my characters in the past have ever even been needed, or if they were even pivitol enough? I also asked her for her opinion on fan fiction.

Admittedly, I was very worried in asking her this question. Especially after she admitted to talking to Anne Rice regularly, what with Rice being so against fan fiction and all, even to the point where she tried to sue ( This may even be a topic I might blog about some time in the future), I feared that Harris would be very offended by the very idea of fan fiction. I mean, Rice HAD posted this to her website, (warning in advance, it's really from her website and I had nothing to do with the writing of it, I merely copied and pasted, and I get no money out of this blog whatsoever):

"I do not allow fan fiction. The characters are copyrighted. It upsets me terribly to even think about fan fiction with my characters. I advise my readers to write your own original stories with your own characters. It is absolutely essential that you respect my wishes."

But, just as she said that she was all for equal rights, no matter race, gender or sexual orientation, she was also for fan fiction, although she admitted that she didn't understand it, claiming that she had been told to read some after she was offered a position on some board for some convention thing.

So anyway, I ended up being convinced to buy her book, and stand in line for an autograph, while my amazing friend, who surprised me with my ticket, stood beside me with her copy of True Blood, which she had gotten for 50p in a charity shop (the clever bitch, aka sunrisewithmysadcaptains.blogspot.co.uk). When it came our turn, I had to ask if she had read any fan fiction based on her own world, to which she admitted she had. I have to freely state right now, that I am involved with fan fiction and I have never posted any True Blood fan fiction on the net, I mean I considered it, but I had really bad writers block when it came to plots.
Again, she said that she had read it and found it weird, but she wasn't against it, she just doesn't understand it.

The prize of the day, my autograph by one of my favourite authors.

I have to admit, beforehand I was worried about meeting her. After all, they say that you should never meet your heroes. But after today, I have to say that I have no regrets, just as she had said earlier during the Q&A that she had no regrets about anything she's ever written.
She was the nicest woman you could ever meet, definitely someone you'd invite to tea and probably end up having the most fascinating conversations with, and very open minded too. I can't wait for her to come back to Liverpool again, and I will most certainly be starting into that book tonight.

"Midnight Crossroad" is on sale now at all leading bookstores



These photos belong to both me and sunrisewithmysadcaptains.blogspot.co.uk (meganceri.wix.com/meganceri)